How do you stop being cynical?
What is cynicism?
What are the reasons to be cynical?
Each of us is cynical here and there. I am too.
When I look closely at myself to see when I'm cynical and look really deeply, cynicism makes me think.
What is this cynicism or sarcasm? Why is it used and when? And what does it do in the person who uses it and in those who are struck by it?
I would like to think about that with you here in this blog post. None of this should be done with a raised index finger, because as I said, I am always cynistic and therefore grab my own nose.
After studying this “phenomenon”, I decided to stop my cynicism.
Where do we start when we get into this topic? My greatest role models and teachers are my children or children in general.
And when I look at children and observe them, I see that they neither know nor understand cynicism and therefore do not apply it.
So cynicism is something that is learned. In the course of life one becomes more or less cynical. Life makes you cynical?
If you look at people and observe how they communicate with others or with yourself, you see big differences. Some people are consistently cynical, while others are rarely. What is that about?
Oh yeah, and a cynic is always cynical to himself too, I think. Because in the end we always treat ourselves as we do with others.
But now let's see what cynicism means. In my eyes there are five siblings of cynicism who somehow also play into this line of thought. Even if they are always a little different, they somehow have the same roots. I would like to mention them briefly here and when I speak of cynicism I have these five others in mind as well.
- Black humor
- malicious joy
The schadenfreude has joy at the harm of another. One blaspheme or even laughs at this damage. Mocking is also a kind of joy at someone else's mishap. All of these, in my eyes, are twists and turns of cynicism. And this, in turn, is a sign of a lack of empathy?)
There is a saying that I read somewhere:
Cynicism is my armor
Irony is my shield
Sarcasm is my sword
Anyone who is cynical, works with irony and has sarcasm as an inner attitude - who protects himself and only pushes ridicule as a bow wave in front of him?
So what is cynicism
In the interpersonal area you can talk without any cynicism. Or spice up the conversation with cynicism.
Actually, no entertainment needs cynicism, because in my eyes cynicism unnecessarily blurs what one wants to express. It is confusing because it does not clearly express what you want. Cynicism conjures up some frills to a statement, which brings it out of sync and which it is meant to hurt in a certain way and possibly should hurt.
Cynicism is always like a sting or a knife edge that stabs a stab.
There is no other way I can explain why cynicism is used. If you can converse without him and express what is on your mind very clearly, what good is it if you put this bow wave of cynical thoughts in front of you? What is the motivation behind this?
I believe that cynicism always has something to do with one's own injury and is often intended to cover up something that is hidden in those who use it. Because, in my opinion, people often react cynically when they don't know what to do next and want to divert the focus from themselves or when they can't really come to terms with a topic and their wounds are to be covered.
I feel that cynics tend to be bitter people. Because cynics are cynical through and through and can hardly have a conversation without cynicism.
The less a person uses (has to use) the “weapon of cynicism”, the more healing his personality could be.
At least that's what I've experienced in myself and experience it. If I react cynically, it always happens when I'm out of balance.
So cynicism could be seen as a kind of revenge. A strike back and humiliate the other because you may feel humiliated yourself? The moment I mock other people (and that is exactly what usually happens with cynicism), I feel better, bigger, better (for a short time).
I deeply regret people who need cynicism. Those who have to make fun of others and make jokes at the expense of others without them being able to really laugh along are not clear in themselves.
Anyone who reacts out of pure love cannot and does not want to be cynical in my eyes.
A respectful approach should never defame the other person or hurt them with cynical remarks.
Often this happens out of ignorance or unconsciousness. Or you are cynical because you are used to it and see it all as loose slogans that you don't take as seriously yourself as the recipient might do.
Empathy and cynicism?
At first glance, cynicism is perhaps sometimes not that bad at all and is meant rather nicely. You disguise a statement with cynicism - because you don't want to hurt with directness.
Yet one does not know how it will affect those who receive the cynicism.
That can sometimes be tragic because you are never stuck in the other person and you don't know what you can do with succinct and cynically biting comments.
That is why it is so important to have empathy in conversations and to maintain a certain culture of conversation. To open up and keep a space that is constructive and exudes security. Where everyone is welcome and no one is put down.
Unfortunately, we mostly learned this behavior through school. Bullying is something that is unfortunately becoming more and more fashionable. And so is the socialization often destructive at school.
Perhaps we have also copied cynicism from our parents, who lived bitterly side by side and threw cynical verbal chunks at each other and fought a literal fight in which the tongue was a sword?
Constructive discussion culture
I travel a lot on Facebook and keep having conversations that are spiced with cynicism. The culture of conversation seems to flatten out here and the awareness of what one can do with one's expressions is blurred.
All the more tragic when I experience it in groups that are actually on the path of becoming conscious. But here, too, injuries to individual people simply come to the surface.
It is important to me to be fair. To respect my interlocutor with his opinion and his experiences and to cultivate a friendly and polite interaction.
At the moment, I find heated discussions as a learning area for myself. If I am verbally attacked, still stay calm and in my center.
Clear words - a "yes" should be a "yes". No more and no less. A “no” simply “no”. I want to be able to rely on people and what they say. I want to know where I am.
And I want people to be able to rely on me. That my yes is just a yes. And that I don't hide behind hurtful words garnished with cynicism in order to hurt them and protect myself.
I love constructive, honest exchange and cynicism is less and less for me. It prevents a direct exchange and hurts unnecessarily.
So if you find me cynical, please pat me on the shoulder! Because I don't want that anymore. However, it can happen to me that I slip into it. And believe me, if I'm cynical, then I'm sure I'm not doing really well that day and I'm a little out of my inner balance.
Why do I no longer want it and why do I think that this is also right and healing?
Jesus said: become like children.
That is great wisdom and a great claim that I have of myself to follow this advice.
Children do not understand cynicism - they are pure and immaculate in their souls. They have no injuries and so they don't need that cynicism. My temperature indicator, how I feel, how far I am in the child, I can tell from how much I still have to integrate and apply cynicism as self-protection in my life. Therefore, treating them in a cynical way is not really helpful for the development of the children. Cynicism irritates them and at some point only turns them into cynical people.
Explain to a child what cynicism is - and you will see - how ridiculous cynicism is.
There is violent communication - and there is non-violent communication. Let's talk to each other without violence. Let us soften and see the things about us that unite us instead of focusing on what divides us.
What do you think? What is cynicism for you - when are you cynical?
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