Why do I love porn so much
Does porn harm the relationship?
1. Porn In Relationships: Why It Is So Hard To Get Reliable Numbers
Why are there no exact numbers? Nobody likes to admit that he or she watches these films or pictures. Women even less than men. Because despite its enormous distribution, porn is still a taboo. Nobody really likes to talk about it openly. Or have you ever had the small talk at a party with "Do you already know the latest porn with blah blah blah?" began? Or do you happily tell at the game night that you sat in front of the computer for two hours last night? Speaking of computers: while in the past the VHS cassettes from the video library were stealthily watched on the television, today it runs on the computer without any problems. So if a couple is not turning each other on with a movie, the partner is most likely to sit alone in a quiet little room and secretly click through the offer.
2. Does porn really compete with your partner?
Anyone who is unexpectedly confronted with their partner's porn consumption quickly feels deceived or even humiliated.
- After all, we women want to be the only leading actresses in our partner's fantasy.
- We want him to be happy and satisfied with what we offer him.
Maybe we can come to terms with Nicole Kidman or Rihanna, after all, this sex actually only takes place in his head. If, however, we catch our partner on the basis of the browser history that has not been deleted, that he is hanging around on solid porn sites or possibly also looking at things that we either do not feel like doing ourselves or that we would not think of in life that it is SO SOMETHING is there at all, yes then the shit is steaming. THAT turns him on? Why is he looking at this? Am I not handing him? Is he perverted?
3. Nobody likes to be caught watching porn
And whoever gets caught is probably ashamed at first. If we then shower our partner with reproaches and at the same time make him feel guilty, the situation can escalate quickly. And yes, then sex films damage the relationship. That's why it's time to give blood and think first. And then seek a conversation. That doesn't mean we can't be outraged. But we should still take responsibility for ourselves. We can talk to the partner about what turns them on about porn and what hurts us about it.
4. Why does someone watch sex films?
The question arises as to why our partner even watches adult entertainment films. Is it really not enough for him to have sex together? What solution can we then find together? We should also always remember that we are often the ones who determine what is done during sex, when it takes place and, above all, whether it takes place at all. Many men feel at the mercy of this and prefer to resort to the porn actresses that are always available. But maybe there is nothing wrong with our love life.
And maybe our partner only looks at things that inspire his imagination without even having the desire to put it into practice. Can't you imagine that? Well then, think about Shades of Gray. Millions of women have read the books, and millions of men have wondered if they should get tough on their partners now. But we know very well that a one-to-one translation of the novel in our bedroom is not what we really want.
5. To desire and to be desired is great
Above all, we want to be coveted. Men and women alike. The man in porn sees himself as the conqueror who gains access to the female body and which no woman can resist. He is all powerful and incredibly potent. In the novels, on the other hand, we women are the conquered, in which the men cannot contain themselves because of sheer lust. We are so attractive and desirable that we even have to be taken by force. Both are great in the imagination. But a fantasy is a fantasy is a fantasy.
Bottom line: does porn harm a relationship or not?
So does porn damage the relationship? May be. But also can't. It just depends on:
- If a relationship is already in trouble, the partner is only crouching in front of the screen and there is no more love life together, things look bad. But then it would be time to change something about our relationship anyway.
- If real needs cannot be met because they are not being expressed, or if we refuse to be met because we cannot do anything with the desires, then porn is a readily available substitute. Which doesn't have to mean that our partner is happy with it. But do we then at least allow him some erotic privacy?
- Or do we rather have an equal relationship in which both feel respected? And do we talk about our desires and fantasies? Then we can see what can be implemented from it. Maybe we watch porn together to get excited or to get ideas? Then a porn can also be an inspiration.
Anja Drews - qualified sex pedagogue for ORION
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