Why am I so needy
Relationship & partnership: are you too clingy? You can do that!
We are all "emotionally needy" in relationships to some extent. It just means that we need more emotional support than usual during a difficult time. We all want to be understood, supported, loved and accepted. It's perfectly okay to ask for help ... sometimes. And that's OK. Being overly emotionally needy - too demanding, clingy, annoying, fragile - can be disaster, however. And that's why this advice we're giving here is especially important for couples.
A person should be able to stand on their own two feet, tolerate being alone, and deal with their little problems on their own for a healthy relationship to work. How we express our needs has a lot to do with our personality and our attachment style - this style is based on how we learned to deal with our parents and how emotionally available they were ... or not.
Insecure people tend to be clingy
Confident, calm people present themselves as warm and loving and have most likely been raised by people who have been consistent, caring, and attentive. Insecure people often have a dismissive effect, avoid closeness and grew up in an environment that was less emotional and in which insecurity and neediness were not tolerated.
However, people with anxious, insecure attachment styles are precisely the very ones who are often viewed as overneed. Some of the most important features are:
- They ask their partner to close their emotional gaps - often in a manipulative way.
- You are constantly worried about the love of the other and are constantly looking for signs that he or she does not love you at all.
- They are emotionally overwhelmed and "need" their partner to feel safe.
- Even the smallest things make them unsafe.
However, this often results in the partner being emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed by the other's need. It is exhausting. And yet fearful people do exactly what they are most afraid of - they push their counterpart further and further away. Their behaviors are counterproductive, but often difficult to stop right now.
There is nothing for the partner of an insecure person to do. You can't help them evolve, compliment them, or reassure them - because it's rare enough. You have an insatiable and exhausting emotional need. They are exhausting and their relationship becomes a vicious circle.
Are you emotionally needy? Ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you ask your partner to make you happy?
- Do you want your partner to meet ALL of your needs? Sexually, emotionally, in general?
- Do you need constant confirmation from your partner? Do you depend on it and are you afraid that he or she is not there for you?
- Do you react annoyed when your partner does not react the way you imagine?
- Are you afraid that your partner will leave you as soon as you are alone? Is it hard to be alone
- Is your relationship the most important thing to you? What about your relationships with your friends or family?
- Do you mind if your partner plans things without you?
- Do you get jealous when your partner does something without you?
Be Less Clingy: Here's What You Can Do to Be Less Clingy!
1. Become aware of your problem!
The first step towards improvement is to acknowledge the problem. Relationships make you restless and anxious. So start by exploring your fearful attachment style and how you can become less clingy and needy. Learn to connect the dots and understand what lies in your attachment style and upbringing that creates need in your relationship. This is a great way to spot unhealthy relationship patterns.
2. Be careful!
Learn to sit out the fear and insecurities in life. Accept how you feel and don't judge yourself. Life is full of grays, uncertainties and unanswered questions. The uncertainty can also be an impetus for change - so look at it positively!
3. No SMS!
Have you written your partner a message, called him or her, sent an email? Give him or her time to respond. There is no need to readjust again. It's not always about you - so don't refer to yourself if someone doesn't respond right away. Over needy people cannot wait. Silence is the worst.
4. Do not suffocate your partner!
No matter how close you are to another person, it is unhealthy to be with him or her all the time. It's overwhelmed. And your partner will sooner or later start doing everything they can to avoid getting stuck in your relationship. If you find it difficult to endure alone time, you will inevitably sabotage your relationship. In this case, sometimes you just have to force yourself to give the two of you some space. Freedom in a relationship is the key to long-term success.
5. Get more confident!
Those who are emotionally needy usually have to struggle with low self-esteem. Start doing your thing and focus more on yourself. Do sports, eat healthy, find a hobby that suits you. It is not your partner's job to build your self-esteem. That is entirely up to you!
6. Learn to Trust!
Such dependency can also be rooted in a lack of trust. You are afraid of being abandoned and you don't really believe your partner's feelings. That in turn sets the whole cog in motion. You start to cling. That stresses and he or she withdraws. Wonder why you can't trust Why are you afraid that someone might leave you? Is there any reason for that at all?
7. Try to be more independent!
You are not dependent on your partner or your partner. Always keep that in mind. You are responsible for your own happiness - so what can you do for more happiness in your life?
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