What is Chuck Norris Schwaeche

140 legendary Chuck Norris jokes for every occasion (+ top 10)

With us you will find Chuck Norris jokes on different topics. We have put together the best jokes for you: Find what you are looking for in our 8 categories and make your friends laugh. For a quick, guaranteed funny Chuck Norris joke, take a look at our top 10.

Chuck Norris - The Texas Ranger

Chuck Norris - The Texas Ranger

Chuck Norris was born on March 10, 1940 in Ryan, Oklahoma and his real name is Carlos Ray Norris Jr. He is an American action actor and martial artist who starred in many well-known action films from 1969 to 2005. The best known are "The Death Claw Strikes Again" (1972), in which he plays Bruce Lee's opponent, or the television series "Walker, Texas Ranger" (1993 to 2001), which among other things led to him being named a real Texas Ranger and received an Official Texas Ranger Star.

After his training with the Air Force in Texas and the subsequent establishment of a family, he was employed in the military police in Korea. During this time he learned the Korean martial art "Tang Soo Do". Here he was also nicknamed "Chuck" by his comrades. In addition to Tang Soo Do, Norris also acquired master-level Taekwondo skills and opened a martial arts school. He got to know Bruce Lee at a tournament and in the meantime was still occupied with “Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu”. The "roundhouse kick" originates from this technique and is now firmly associated with the name Chuck Norris. Bruce Lee got him his first film role and Norris ’career took off.

Chuck Norris in Public Life

Chuck Norris belongs to evangelicalism, a theological tendency within Christian Protestantism. He believes in creationism (literal interpretation of the creation story) and considers the theory of evolution to be wrong. He is also a member of the Republican Party and warned in a campaign video that Barack Obama should be re-elected.

He reacted to the Chuck Norris jokes amused and flattered by the great attention he paid to himself. He tried not to take the jokes too seriously, but also emphasized that he refused to be compared to God. The well-known Chuck Norris Facts were also used for some advertising campaigns (including Mountain Dew and Toyota).

Even Google played along with the running gag for a while: If you entered "Chuck Norris" and clicked "Auf gut Glück!", The message "Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck." Norris, he finds you. "Is displayed. This can be translated as "Google doesn't search for Chuck Norris, he can't be found - he'll find you."

Background to the Chuck Norris Facts

Jokes about Chuck Norris are also called "Chuck Norris Facts" in English-speaking countries. The jokes started in 2005 when Chuck Norris retired in various Internet forums. Since then, they have spread rapidly online and have become memes. Conan O’Brien's jokes about Chuck Norris’ role in the film “Walker, Texas Ranger”, which he performed on his late night show, gave further impetus to this.

The jokes about him caricature his abilities as a martial artist in his numerous action film roles. As you will easily see in our examples, the jokes are primarily funny because they are so absurd - and yet there is truth in them, since Chuck Norris has mastered various martial arts in real life and is a four-time karate world champion. Chuck Norris is a symbol of superhuman strength and abilities, both privately and in his film roles.

140 Chuck Norris jokes in 8 categories

140 Chuck Norris jokes in 8 categories

"Chuck Norris will never get an Oscar for an actor - because he doesn't act." This Chuck Norris joke is one of the best examples of what everyone laughs at. Not only is his role as an action hero portrayed in a superhuman way, but the actor also has a personal command of various martial arts. The jokes, like all good jokes, have a certain truth content. In the following we have compiled and categorized the best Chuck Norris jokes for you so that you have a suitable joke ready for every situation. Here you can find more funny jokes and funny sayings to show off with.

Jokes about Chuck-Norris ’invulnerability

Jokes about Chuck-Norris ’invulnerability

Chuck Norris jokes are often about the actor's supernatural abilities. One of the most popular is its invulnerability. In the jokes that follow, his invulnerability and strength are emphasized and grossly exaggerated. So you could appropriately send your friends a joke about Chuck Norris if they are in a similar situation as the joke is about. For example, if your friend has a pollen allergy: “Chuck Norris is not allergic to pollen. Pollen have a Chuck Norris allergy. "

  1. Chuck Norris doesn't use eye drops. He uses Tabasco.
  2. If Chuck Norris is hit by a bullet, it will not bleed, but the bullet.
  3. Chuck Norris can tightrope barefoot - on barbed wire.
  4. Chuck Norris was bitten by a snake. After three days of pain, the snake died.
  5. Chuck Norris doesn't need sunglasses. The sun needs Chuck Norris glasses.
  6. Chuck Norris is not allergic to pollen. Pollen has a Chuck Norris allergy.
  7. Chuck Norris doesn't need a bicycle helmet - if he falls, the earth's crust breaks.
  8. Chuck Norris had no pacifiers. He took cacti.
  9. What Chuck Norris doesn't kill makes him stronger. What kills him makes him even stronger.
  10. Chuck Norris can't actually breathe underwater. He does it anyway.

Chuck Norris jokes about his supernatural abilities

This category is about Chuck Norris making the impossible possible. His numerous talents let him divide by zero, for example, even though this is not mathematically possible. These Chuck Norris jokes don't know any laws of nature. They often seem dull and illogical, but that is exactly what makes people laugh. If you have a friend who knows Chuck Norris and loves flat jokes, the following are perfect ways to make him laugh.

  1. Chuck Norris can make a fire with a magnifying glass - at night!
  2. Chuck Norris runs 100 meters in one second. He always knows an abbreviation.
  3. In the beginning there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris gave nothing a roundhouse kick and said, "Get yourself a job." That is the story of the universe.
  4. Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
  5. Chuck Norris was flashed yesterday - while parking.
  6. If you ask Chuck Norris how many pushups he can do, he replies, "All of them."
  7. Chuck Norris can draw a pentagon - with four lines.
  8. Chuck Norris kidnaps aliens.
  9. Chuck Norris' beard does not cover his chin, but another fist.
  10. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
  11. Chuck Norris can differentiate between nuclear and green electricity - based on taste.
  12. If Chuck Norris fiddles with the socket with wet fingers, the power plant will get a blow.
  13. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
  14. Chuck Norris grills underwater.
  15. If Chuck Norris falls in the water, he doesn't get wet - the water becomes Chuck Norris.
  16. Chuck Norris is the only person who can really kill time.
  17. Chuck Norris drinks from the water pipe. In one go.
  18. When Chuck Norris does pushups, he pushes the world down.
  19. The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he was wrong.
  20. Chuck Norris built sandcastles as a child. Today they are called pyramids.
  21. Chuck Norris eats Chinese food with a chopstick.
  22. Chuck Norris can draw squares with a sum of angles of 380 degrees. When his math teacher noticed, he went crazy.
  23. Chuck Norris' computer doesn't have a delete button because it doesn't make mistakes.
  24. Chuck Norris is not breathing. He's holding the air hostage.

Jokes about fear and respect for Chuck Norris

Jokes about fear and respect for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris jokes assume that Chuck Norris can do everything, knows everything and everyone has respect or fear of him. Because he's so scary, he can afford a lot. With these jokes, it's especially funny that Chuck Norris pushes boundaries that are imaginatively and creatively built into an everyday context. For example, nobody would ever think of franking their letters with passport photos, but Chuck Norris is so well respected that the post office does not dare to return the letter to the sender. Get inspiration from our jokes and maybe even come up with your own Chuck Norris joke.

  1. Chuck Norris stamps letters with his passport photo.
  2. Chuck Norris' car doesn't use gasoline, it drives out of respect.
  3. There are enemy aliens. They just wait until Chuck Norris dies to attack.
  4. Today we know why I am expanding the universe. Everything tries to get as far away from Chuck Norris as possible.
  5. When monsters go to sleep, check beforehand to see if Chuck Norris is under the bed.
  6. Chuck Norris doesn't need a washing machine. The dirt will voluntarily disappear from his clothes.
  7. When Chuck Norris "Sit!" says all the people who heard it sat down.
  8. Chuck Norris died ten years ago. But death did not have the courage to tell him.
  9. Chuck Norris had a court date. But the judge did not appear.
  10. If Chuck Norris is caught dodging the ticket, the conductor pays the fine.
  11. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares at them until they voluntarily tell him what he wants to know.
  12. The police recently stopped Chuck Norris in his car because Chuck drove 200 instead of 100 on the freeway. An agreement was quickly reached. The police were allowed to continue with a verbal warning.
  13. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart will not dare attack him.
  14. Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate a birthday, his birthday celebrates him.
  15. When Chuck Norris looks up at the sky, the clouds start to sweat. This phenomenon was called rain.
  16. Chuck Norris also gets money for bottles without a deposit.
  17. Chuck Norris does not make a mistake. If you pick up the phone, you were on the wrong phone.
  18. Shark diving cages were invented to make the sharks feel safer when Chuck Norris swims in the ocean.
  19. Chuck Norris doesn't need an umbrella - the raindrops don't dare to land on him.
  20. Chuck Norris orders and gets Chicken McNuggets from Burger King.
  21. Chuck Norris ‘smartphone's battery has been empty for three months, but it doesn't dare to go out.

Chuck Norris jokes with puns

Word games always go down well. It may take a moment for the other person to understand the joke, but the moment you recognize it usually makes the joke even more fun. In written form, word games are usually easier to understand. The following jokes are particularly suitable for WhatsApp, SMS, Facebook and Co. Choose a joke and put a smile on your friends' faces with a funny word game about Chuck Norris.

  1. Chuck Norris waives his right - his left is faster anyway.
  2. Chuck Norris ’wanted cowboy boots. All he needed was two real cowboys.
  3. People paint the devil on the wall. The devil paints Chuck Norris on the wall.
  4. Chuck Norris is not looking for the needle in the haystack - he is looking for the haystack in the needle heap.
  5. Chuck Norris can jump over his own shadow.
  6. Hans-Dieter wears socks in sandals. Chuck Norris' sense of style forces him to give Hans-Dieter a roundhouse kick - because of sandalism.
  7. Chuck Norris has beaten up more people than IKEA.
  8. When Chuck Norris locks himself out, he is anything but excited, he tears down the wall and is back inside.
  9. Chuck Norris only drinks Guinness because he holds every Guinness world record.
  10. Chuck Norris not only laughs last, but also laughs best first.

Chuck Norris jokes about his manhood

Chuck Norris jokes about his manhood

Not only are there jokes about Chuck Norris ’superhuman abilities, but also some about his dazzling looks and manhood. In a suitable situation where you want to joke about how manly you are, you could just put one of these jokes in first person perspective and impress your friends with a funny line. For example, if someone tells you that you have beautiful eyelashes, you simply say, “I have no eyelashes. They are EYEBARS. ”Otherwise you can just tell the jokes or send them.

  1. Chuck Norris doesn't have eyelashes. They are EYEBARS.
  2. Chuck Norris is so manly that his chest hair has chest hair.
  3. Chuck Norris tears can cure all human diseases, but he never cries.
  4. When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor said to the mother, "Congratulations, it's a MAN!"
  5. After trimming his beard, the police must dispose of Chuck Norris' beard hair - it falls under the Gun Act.
  6. Chuck Norris invented all colors except pink, which was invented by Tom Cruise.
  7. Chuck Norris has no doors in his house, he prefers to walk through walls.
  8. There is one substance that is harder than diamond - Chuck Norris whiskers.
  9. Chuck Norris is neither male nor female, he has his own gender - Chuck Norris.
  10. Chuck Norris does push-ups and sit-ups at the same time.
  11. Chuck Norris needs a stunt double, but only in scenes where he is supposed to cry.
  12. There is no climate change. Chuck Norris is just too hot for this world.
  13. Chuck Norris was scared to death only once in his life: the first time he saw himself in the mirror.
  14. Chuck Norris doesn't use pick-up lines. He just says, "Now."
  15. Chuck Norris doesn't shave. He's sharpening the blade on his beard.

Inside Chuck Norris Jokes

When jokes are based on a certain amount of prior knowledge, they are often even funnier for the initiated. The fewer insiders there are, the funnier the joke. The following Chuck Norris jokes can only be understood if you know their context. This context can refer to all sorts of topics (for example politics, celebrities, advertising, films, series, radio, etc.). Let's take the example: “Chuck Norris gets 20 percent on everything at Praktiker. Also on pet food. ”This joke is only funny when you know that the Praktiker advertising says:“ 20 percent off everything. Except for pet food. "

Another example is: "Chuck Norris caught Speedy Gonzales." Even if you speak English and can therefore guess that Speedy Gonzales can run fast, the joke is only really funny when you think of "The Fastest Mouse in Mexico" by the Warner Bros. 'Knows Looney Tunes Movies. In theory, you can even come up with your own Chuck Norris jokes with your friends that only you can understand.

  1. Chuck Norris can order a sandwich from Subway - without answering a question.
  2. Chuck Norris can take away the milk bars from the Klitschko brothers without prejudice.
  3. When James Cameron produced Terminator, he actually wanted Chuck Norris to play the lead. Then Cameron realized that the film would have been a documentary and not a fiction anymore.
  4. Chuck Norris knew why Hodor is called "Hodor" - even before Game of Thrones was written.
  5. Chuck Norris once made a bet with a man that he could jump off a skyscraper without injuring himself. The loser had to wear his underpants over his trousers in the future. Superman lost.
  6. Popeye eats spinach. Chuck Norris eats Popeye.
  7. Chuck Norris can make a happy meal cry.
  8. Chuck Norris gets 20 percent on everything at Praktiker. Also on pet food.
  9. When Bruce Banner is angry, he becomes the Hulk. When the Hulk is angry, he becomes Chuck Norris.
  10. Chuck Norris knows why there is straw.
  11. Sido once asked who Chuck Norris actually is. Since then he has been wearing a mask.
  12. In the movie "Death Claw Strikes Again" Chuck Norris was defeated by Bruce Lee. This special effect cost so much money that central banks had to print more money and come up with a new number - the centillion.
  13. Chuck Norris can prepare a 5 minute terrine in 30 seconds.
  14. If you place Chuck Norris at Scrabble, you've won - forever.
  15. Chuck Norris ordered from Burger King and his order was complete.
  16. Chuck Norris caught Speedy Gonzales.
  17. Voldemort calls Chuck-Norris "You-Know-Who".
  18. Chuck Norris can save Greece.
  19. Chuck Norris defeats the Night King.
  20. Peter Zwegat owes Chuck Norris.
  21. Chuck Norris knows the end of GZSZ.
  22. The credits at the end of each episode of Walker, Texas Ranger aren't credits: it's actually a list of the people Chuck Norris gave a roundhouse kick that day.
  23. Arnold Schwarzenegger had to be hospitalized for serious injuries.Chuck Norris poked him on Facebook.
  24. The GEZ pays Chuck Norris fees.

Chuck Norris can beat anyone - macabre Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris can beat anyone - macabre Chuck Norris jokes

The following jokes should be treated with caution. They move between humor and seriousness, which is why you should be sure that nobody gets them wrong. Everyone disagrees when it comes to humor. Where some find the following jokes funny, they go too far for others and you could make a mistake with them. This is because they take up the issues of death and religion, which are still taboo for jokes for many people today.

  1. Chuck Norris was on Mars. That is why there is no more life there.
  2. Chuck Norris is not God. No, he knows no mercy.
  3. What does it sound like when Chuck Norris goes fishing? - You, you and you: come out!
  4. Chuck Norris drowns fish.
  5. What's the last thing on Chuck Norris’s minds victims? - His foot.
  6. Chuck Norris is so dangerous, he's already killed his reflection in the mirror.
  7. Chuck Norris is right, there is no theory of evolution. There is only one list of living things Chuck Norris allows to live.
  8. The Dead Sea was originally called the Lake of Life - until Chuck Norris went swimming in it.
  9. Chuck Norris was once insulted in Latin - since then it has been considered a dead language.
  10. Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because that involves potential failure. Chuck Norris goes kill.
  11. Jesus, a priest, and Chuck Norris were in a boat on the ocean.
    Jesus said, "I can walk on water." And walked across water.
    Chuck Norris said: "Me too." And followed Jesus on the water.
    The priest prayed to God: "Lord, help me and make that I can walk on water too." The priest got out of the boat and went down.
    Then Jesus said to Chuck Norris: "Do you think we should have told him where the stones are?" Chuck Norris: "Which stones?"
  12. Chuck Norris can sing the hallelujah in a mosque - and everyone sings along.
  13. In a normal, average-populated living room, there are 1,442 things Chuck Norris can use to kill you. Including the room itself.
  14. The film "300" should actually be called "1 - Chuck Norris against the Persians". But who is watching a 3-second film?
  15. Chuck Norris died yesterday. Today he is feeling better again.
  16. Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug. The bear is alive but is afraid to move.

Our top 10 Chuck Norris jokes

In this category we have more Chuck Norris jokes for you. We have selected our top 10 from the abundance of jokes. Maybe they match your humor and you save yourself the long search for short and funny Chuck Norris jokes. Send them on WhatsApp, set them as status or post them on Facebook and make your friends laugh. The only requirement is that your friends know Chuck Norris so they can understand the joke too.

  1. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
  2. Chuck Norris does his bachelor's degree under the standard study time.
  3. The earth only turns because Chuck Norris gave it a roundhouse kick.
  4. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
  5. Chuck Norris can stand faster than others can run.
  6. Time is running out to escape Chuck Norris.
  7. Chuck Norris is allowed to speak to the bus driver while driving.
  8. If Google can't find something, Chuck Norris asks. (Marc Kue)
  9. Chuck Norris sneezes with his eyes open.
  10. Chuck Norris eats his Knoppers at nine in the morning in Germany.
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